My Worlds

Salam all,

I have been thinking nowadays about many things, and ( I'm sentimental person y'all), its nothing important actually. As usual, its of course, about myself basically. I'm not saying that I don't like to talk about other things, or issues, but, for me, this blog is a kind of "diary" or a place where I can share with the readers about myself and other things as well.

Well, I think that, it is very2 important for myself to know what actually am "I" and "myself". You know, a girl in a teen age still searching their own identity to represent herself towards others and his/her social life.Like me, during my teen age, I can tell that I'm clueless about life. I didn't know my purpose in future, what I want to be, where I will be, and whom my future husband gonna like and so forth. Lame, I know, but it is normal, isn't it?

So, here I can say that I am quiet confident and conform my purpose and where am I in. My position in life as a student, a daughter, and a Muslimah. I think that it is very2 crucial to understand our self first before we need to understand others.

I am from 3 different worlds, literally. I don't mean that I am from the "unseen world" people...haha, basically what I mean here is that I came from 3 worlds which are the "Malay World", the "Islamic World", and the "Westerner World". Ok, what is she saying?

My Malay world is a world where when I'm being surrounded with my family, my schoolmates and we totaly speak, act, and think as a Malay. We practice Malay culture, eat Malay's food and what we do is everything about Malay Muslim world. My Muslimah world, I can stay it was started when I was in kindergarten. From the age of 5 to 6 years old I was schooled in a Muslim kindergarten. Then I pursue my study in a primary school, where there were two sessions, the morning and the evening. At the very morning I will go to Sek. Keb, and at the evening I will go to Sek. Ren. Agama.

Until I was 12 years old, my regular sessions always be the same. And then when I went to the secondary school, I was schooled in a religious school, which we didn't just study about religion and Arabic language, but also, the art and science stream as what has been outlined by the government. I know very well which type of friends and the teacher who is in a moderate thinking and opinions and also to the one, who I can, kind of "extreme" with religion.

I know how they think and view their life according to the teaching of Islam. they are very2 devoted and loyal, and somehow, I am, too fascinated with their preach.\

But, what makes me unsure and uncomfortable is that some of them is quiet obsessed and viewed Islam in a very extreme way. Like, " you can't stare at each other eyes for male and female", " you have to wear pins to not let your hijab loose" and some other things that for me is not really logical to talk about. I understand that both male and female can't meet and stare at each other eyes, but, its just about the meeting and study stuff. And who cares if you are wearing pins on your hijab or not, as long as you know how to dress yourself properly.

So, these thing somehow makes students unbearable when it comes to group discussion or a meeting, because, they will be shy when they want to talk in front, openly. I have faced this problems and it is hard to get the confidence as you always being advice to lower your gaze when you are walking. It is a good thing, but at the same time, it shows indirectly how low your level of confidence are. People always ask me why do I like to look down when I walk and it makes me think, do I did that always and how bad it really is? I thought that it was normal for Muslim girl to lower their gaze. I kept thinking, oh, that's why I was really2 shy and nervous because I didn't have the confidence to face people.

To have an eye contact with them.

You are not looking at the people when you are talking and such, which will be very2 problematic for students in facing their future. How can I make a presentation if I didn't look at my audience? I was studied there until I was in form 5.

Then I continued my study here, in IIUM, still you can stay it is the "Islamic" university. Yes, my last world, where I focus my study in a course where I couldn't never think of- English major.

Its vey2 funny because I did bad for this subject when I was in secondary school. I never ever expect that I will be studying this course for my degree, because it is not something that I'm good at. But I give it a try. Manalah tahu rezeki kat bidang ni kan.

Let me introduce to you, Bachelor of English Language and Literature, a course where you may find in IIUM, which has been undergone several criticism and severe just because it carries the "English" word. People who may not know or never heard about this course they will simply think that, "oh dah graduate nnt nak jadi cikgu ke? Nk jad lecturer ke?"
" Oh, amik TESL?" Eh lipas, tau x TESL tu lain, my degree of study is lain. When people studying TESL, it means that their focus of study is only within education, ha yg ni nak jadi cikgu sekolah baru betul! What I am taking is different. Its not TESL, its Bachelor of English Language and Literature kay people.

My focus of study pn bole nk jadi cikgu, but we got more opportunity in terms of job's range and occupation, because it's not just that we can become lecturer, but in advertising, marketing, journalist, translator, ambassador, proof reader, and even in a banking field. It depends on how well you achieve throughout your study and experience, of course.

Ok, now, what I have learned and will learn in this course? In IIUM, my course is fell under KIRKHS, or Kuliyyah of Islamic Revelation and Human Science, which means, obviously I will not just learn about my English course semata-mata, but also, The IRK subject as well as HS subject. Not to mention that we also have to take an Arabic language smpai level 6!!!! See? Don't simply said that our course teach deviant, kafir thought and subjects because we also gaine knowledge in Arabic, Islamic studies ( which include, the Quran, Hadith, Ulm Fiqh, Hist. of Prophet and so on). And those who majoring in English course we call in IIUM the Benl students.

These Benl student yg nk minor IRK subject kenalah amik 8 course which has been offered by IIUM. Nampak?? Don't simply state us as meaningless and social, because there's no such thing in this world esp. knowledge, is MEANINGLESS. And don't just simply state that Benl student is very2 social people, yg minum arak tu lah dia, yg pegi disco tula dia, yg kaki jantan tu la dia. Budak Benl.

Those people who thinks or says the course which I take in IIUM have a very2 shallow argument and narrow thinking. You accuse Benl students for being too socialize, isn't that what we called in Critical Thinking subject as "Hasty Generalization"? Dan macamlah budak Benl je sorang buat dajal kat luar ngn dalam kampus, Hello, then other courses tu Holy sgt? I don't want to accuse others, but, common, think logically, budak Benl bukannya ramai kt IIUM ni. Bape kerat je. It is very2 sad for us as Benl student if such of thinking existed within IIUM students. Then what makes your holy course superior than us? Have you learned or never that there is no such thing as superior and inferior knowledge. Its just people nowadays like to degrade things( the colonists).

And sadly this things also occur in Malaysia where people regard science stream as a ticket for success and wealth and prestige. but, for the art stream, maybe not all, but still there are such kind of thinking that look down upon art students. I mean, what the hello? Back then our Muslim scholars possess both art and science studies. Both are equally important, and needs each other. Get real! Art w/out science is boring and science w/out art is a lie.

So, there are, my beloved world, the place where I learn and obtain many many many experiences whether it is sad, happy, bad, good, beneficial, so-so, and those kind of feelings where sometimes you can't describe. Because it is too wonderful that makes you sometimes wants to tear yourself.

What I want to say here is that, don't simply judge others, you may know what other don't and you may don't know what other knows. I have been these 3 worlds, the Malay world, the Islamic world, and the Western world, which of all these world, I didn't bias my opinions and actions for any each. I know, what is right and what is wrong in each of these worlds, where, you can say I can literally "switch" myself to suit in any best situations. That's why you can see that I don't have many friends, I walk alone mostly, and I don't mind if I in my room alone, because I can suit myself with anybody. I made mistakes and I somehow know how to redeem myself according to Allah's law.

And that makes me a human.